This next blog would prove to be very difficult to write. The 1990s decade was a decade that changed my life forever. But there was one individual that changed my demeanor as a teenager, this particular individual has, in a way, made me change my outlook on everything. When I first met this girl, I never thought much if her but when she started attending our church's youth group at the time, I started developing a crush on her. Her name? Paulette Marie Costa. Needless to say, little did I know, I was going overboard in my crush on Paulette but I was too stupid and ignorant to realize what was going on. My parents were upset about this, her parents were upset about this ,my friends were upset about this ,and I was being, for a lack of a better term, a total jackass about the whole entire thing. At this rate ,I wasn't thinking about the consequences of this whole fiasco at the time. People started making jokes about this, I kept on running my mouth about her, and my attempts to impress her were too Urkelesque. One time, the youth group had a youth dance and I was having a good time and waiting for the right moment to ask Paulette to a slow dance. Once the time came, I asked her--but she turned me down and instead slow-danced with another friend of mine named John Kiess. I was not too pleased about this obviously and people asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I refused to do so. My night, to me, was ruined at that point. But, like a stubborn mule, I refused to give it up, however.
But in 1995,a lot of things has happened in that year that put me in a lot of stress and it effected my behavior. In April of that year, I moved from the West End to the North End of New Bedford, in June of 1995,I landed a job as a dishwasher at Ruby Tuesday. Then at church, there was a new couple--Paulette & a friend I made at the Christian school, Ruben. Ruben used to give me rides to Bible studies but since he started dating Paulette at that time, I accused him & her for stabbing me in the back. I basically snapped! It was almost to the point of hatred towards the two of them. I was forced out of work by my parents to see a psychiatrist about this situation but I didn't like it at all. To me, work was the thing to keep my mind off that situation. After the shrink visit, I went back to work and started crushing on my female co-workers instead in order to get Paulette out of my system for good and it was working for almost 6 years.
But during one Sunday church service, in 2001,my pastor called Ruben & Paulette up to the podium to make a special announcement and that announcement was that they were engaged. Needless to say I had a feeling that day like this would come. I sat there & said nothing, my father wanted me to go and congratulate them and I refused. When I got home, I decided to hop in my car and head to my then-workplace Ruby Tuesday at the time to order a Blondie & a root beer, then my original plan was to head to the Millennium Fun Center Arcade at the Harbor Mall to play some Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 to get my mind clear but I missed the exit while singing the Power Rangers Time Force theme song along the way down Rt. 195 westbound and ended up taking Exit 3 to the Swansea Mall. After I visited the Swansea Mall, I headed back to the Harbour Mall to the play Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 at the Millennium Fun Center Arcade. I decided sitting around and sulking wasn't gonna help me out. My mother commended me on doing that, I told her "I needed to get out of the house." My father didn't understand.
Months went by and I started to accept the fact that they are in love with each other and they are getting married until December of 2002 when Paulette's mother, Isabel, announced that Ruben & Paulette ended their engagement and broke up. I was shocked and I wanted to say something to them but I was thinking they still don't want to talk to me. So, fast forward 2 years later, Paulette met another man in college, got engaged to him and eventually they got married in October 2004. I was depressed but I had to move on, the Red Sox ended up winning the World Series weeks afterward, as a result, I did not care about anything else, I was happy. The name of the man Paulette met was Daniel Vieira and they have 2 beautiful children-Nicholas & Emily. The reason why I wrote this blog is at one point I was angry at Paulette, I blamed her for my bad luck with women, I cited her as the reason why I do not have a girlfriend. Ever since 1995 I have not spoken to her in 16 years, I started being Ruben's friend again via Facebook. I tried adding Paulette as a friend on Facebook, hoping to put all the crap that we went through away and bury the hatchet once and for all but she rejected my friend request yet again. Unfortunately, it is sad that she still hates my guts & won't forgive me to this day. She does not understand me at all. All I want is to be friends--JUST friends with her, that's it. But she holds that grudge against me to this day. She needs to understand that I am NOT looking to have a crush on her again because she is married now and she has a great life and a great future. I just wanted to be friends again, I don't care if we speak to each other again. I consider Paulette a friend, a sister-in-Christ, and someone who has a heart for others. Whatever the reason, I am sure she has her reasons. Besides, I look back at this and I will say this: All that happened between myself and Paulette was MY fault. I was being way too obsessed with her & I outright disrespected her and I was being selfish and that is why Paulette is the way she is towards me to this day. I wish I had behaved differently around her but it is what it is now. This is unfortunately the price I paid for all this.
But if I decided to talk to her now, I would tell her that it was all MY fault, I blame myself for this friction between myself and her. But I see this situation this way: If it is God's will for me and Paulette to be friends again, then great. If not, then we remain our separate ways and go on with our lives, simple as that. I hope she reads this one day and comes to an understanding that I am not the same idiotic teenager who had the puppy-dog crush on her. I am the man who is trying to make his future bright and trying to live the good life each and everyday possible. I just want to let her know that I have changed for the better and I hope that Paulette & I would once again become good friends.
I sometimes talk about this situation to help others who have been obsessed with someone they like as a warning to them to BE CAREFUL because it could hurt the individual they like AND themselves but, unfortunately, there are some not-so-nice individuals who still think that I still have a thing for Paulette, which , obviously, I do not anymore and these not-so-nice individuals would attempt to mention this situation just to make me look bad when I already learned my lesson from this situation. Because of those individuals, I have decided not to talk about this situation anymore on my YouTube channel because the idiots will make jokes of this and I do not appreciate that at all and I am sure neither does Paulette, nor her family and my family & friends as well and as a result, I had to ban Paulette's name from being mentioned on my YouTube channel. I have moved on from this and also I have learned a lot from this situation as well. Nothing wrong with learning from your past and people like the internet trolls, bullies and haters need to understand that, if they don't, they won't be able to understand me anymore because I will block them. Finally, I see this situation as this: This was God's way of telling me that I should be more focused on praising & worshipping Him, instead of chasing Paulette. This whole situation has helped me to learn that there are more things in life than just Paulette. To this day, I never worry about Paulette because I believe that she is doing fine and she is safe with her husband and family. I never necessarily needed her to make my life "whole" nowadays, per se. I'm just having fun being me and doing my show and chatting with my new friends!
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